


wasn't it you (who said i was not free)

by guycecil



Category: Tales of the Abyss
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Emotional Manipulation, Emotional/Psychological Abuse, Gen
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2015-07-14
Updated: 2015-08-21
Packaged: 2018-04-09 08:34:13
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 20,580
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4341572
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/guycecil/pseuds/guycecil
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Pere arrives at the manor too late to save Guy -- because Van has already found him. God-General!Guy AU. Spoilers for the whole game.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> So this thing is going to be... really long. I'm not really sure when I decided I was going through the WHOLE game with this fic, but apparently I am? So that'll be interesting.
> 
> Only real warnings are for Van and his usual manipulation/abuse bullshit and spoilers up through Akzeriuth in this part. There's also some brief physical abuse but it didn't seem prominent enough for a tag. If you think it is, please let me know! Title from "Broad-Shouldered Beasts" by Mumford & Sons.

He’s waiting by the entrance when Van gets back, leaping off the stone fence when he catches sight of the commandant approaching.

"Where is Asch?” Van asks without prelude.

“In his room,” Guy answers quickly, falling in at his commander’s heel. “He’s… settling in.”

Van laughs once. “I’m sure he is. The others?”

“Dist left,” Guy says. “Legretta said not to chase after him, Largo headed back to Daath to check on the Fon Master.”

“Good,” Van says. “Don’t worry about Dist. We shouldn’t need him again if everything goes smoothly from here.”

“How’s the replica?” Guy asks.

“The family took him in just fine.” Van turns a corner unexpectedly, heading towards Asch’s room instead of the main office where Legretta is probably waiting for them.

“What’s our next move?” Guy asks next, but Van doesn’t answer, because they’ve reached Asch’s room and he’s pushing through the door, holding it for Guy to pass.

Inside, the ten year old jolts up from the bed, eyes wide. “V-Van?” His voice is quiet and high. He looks even younger than he has for the last three weeks that Van has been gone.

“Asch,” Van says, and his voice drops to a comforting, familiar tone, and he puts on a smile that Guy remembers well from his own youth.

The redhead shies back. “That’s not my name.”

“It is now.” Van sits on the edge of the bed while Guy closes the door behind them. He feels out of place, but knows better than to leave until Van dismisses him. If he was invited here, then it was for a reason, he knows, so he stands by the door and clasps his hands behind his back. His sword bumps comfortably at his side.

“What’s going on?” Asch asks, a whine sliding into his voice. Guy supposes it’s only normal for a child his age, but he can’t help but think that he expected something different.

“You’re going to Daath,” Van tells him, still smiling. He rests a hand on Asch’s head comfortingly. “You’re going to join the Oracle Knights, and you’ll never have to go home again.”

“I… But I don’t want to leave,” Asch says, eyes wide and bewildered. “I want to go home.”

Van’s smile turns a touch sad. “You can’t. Not anymore.”

* * *

 They’re familiar words. It’s a familiar speech, one that Guy’s heard a thousand times over. It’s how Van pulls people in -- and it’s not as if what he’s saying isn’t true. The fact is there is no home for them anymore. The Score doesn’t like people like them. People who should have died, people who are different. They stand out too much. They’re chances for abnormality and deviation, and Van is going to take their differences and smash them in the Score’s face when he pulls it all to pieces.

Over dinner that night, with Legretta and Van, Guy feels younger than he has in a long time. He picks at his food, distracted, mind on Asch and the replica, on Hod and Van’s promise.

“I want you to go to Yulia City,” Van says to Legretta. “Check in on Tear, then meet Largo in Daath and wait. We still have quite some time before our next move.”

Legretta nods. “What about Dist?”

Van shakes his head. “Don’t worry about him. I’ll contact him if we need him again, but for now it’s best to let him roam as he pleases.” His eyes slide from Legretta to Guy, and even though Guy isn’t watching, he can feel the commandant’s gaze, and he straightens immediately to meet his eyes.

“What about me?” he asks quickly. “Back to Daath?”

Van nods. “You’ll have to return on your own. I’ll be heading to Grand Chokmah on the Fon Master’s orders, to make sure tensions stay calm between Malkuth and Kimlasca for now.”

“Understood,” Guy says. “What about Asch?”

“He’ll be with you,” Van answers. “I want you to take care of his training once you return to Daath.”

A beat. Guy blinks. “What?”

Van drops his fork onto his plate and dabs at his face with his napkin. “I’ll have to stay on the move for the next few years. Legretta will be handling Tear’s training in Yulia City once she’s old enough, and Largo will be busy monitoring the Fon Master and Grand Maestros. I plan for Asch to join the God-Generals before the rest of our plan goes into motion.”

“I…” Guy doesn’t quite know what to say. “If youre sure…”

Van smiles, familiar and warm, and Guy can’t help but feel validated under the strength of that expression. “Don’t worry,” he says soothingly. “You’ll do fine. I have the utmost confidence in you. You are, after all, my right hand man.”

Guy drops his eyes back to his food. “Thank you,” he murmurs, and Van chuckles, and sure, maybe they’ve just finished a kidnapping and broken the ban on replication of living things, but everything is finally falling into place.

* * *

Two days later, early in the morning, Guy swings his pack over his shoulders and ties his belt at his waist. He slips his sword through the belt, laces his boots, and steps through the front doors of Choral Castle.

Van is waiting outside with Asch, speaking to him in the low voice people use before the sun has fully risen. Guy approaches them quickly, dew clinging to his boots as he walks.

“All set?” Van asks when he reaches them.

Guy nods. “Ready if you are,” he says, with a glance down to Asch. The boy refuses to meet his eyes.

Van straightens and looks back to Asch. “Listen to Guy,” he says, and his tone is the same one he uses with all new recruits. “He knows what he’s doing, and he has my complete trust. You’ll be safe with him.”

Asch doesn’t say _it’s got nothing to do with my safety,_ or _it’s not a matter of whether or not you trust him,_ but Guy can see it in his face. He doesn’t comment.

Van doesn’t comment either, just turns to Guy and raises his right arm in an L shape, fist pointed to the sky. “Go safely,” he says.

Guy raises his arm to return the gesture, crossing their forearms. He still has to reach a little, but not like he used to. One day, he thinks, he won’t have to reach at all. One day they’ll stand on the same, level ground, and they’ll walk towards the future they built together -- a future where the past won’t be forgotten.

“We’ll be careful,” he promises.

Van nods and murmurs, before he drops his arm, “I swore my sword to you.”

A chill runs down Guy’s spine like it always does at those words. “And I swore mine in return,” he says back, voice low.

Their arms fall away and Van gives him a single nod. “You should get going if you want to make it to Kaitzur by nightfall.”

Guy nods back, glances over his shoulder to Asch. “Ready?”

The boy still doesn’t meet his eyes, but he grunts a quiet yes. Guy heads for the main gates of the castle, Asch trailing behind him with his borrowed sword sitting awkwardly at his hip. He can feel Van’s eyes on their backs until the gates close behind them.

* * *

Asch barely leaves the cabin on their ship to Daath. It’s short enough of a trip that it’s not all that strange, but it still worries Guy. Van trusts him to take care of this, and he can’t screw it up. He _won’t_ screw it up.

“Don’t you want some fresh air?” he asks. They spent the night in Kaitzur and caught their ship that morning. All they did the day before was walk and fight. Asch has some training, though not much. He’s not bad for his age, Guy thinks. He has no idea what he’s supposed to teach him.

Asch just shakes his head. He doesn’t say anything.

Guy rocks backwards, leans against the metal wall next to the door. “We’ve still got most of the day left before we reach Daath. You don’t want to see the sea even once?”

“I saw it at the port,” Asch says. “And I’d seen it before that anyway. Baticul’s on the sea.”

“Oh. Right.”

There’s a bitterness to the way Asch says _Baticul_ , like it’s just a sour taste in his mouth. Guy doesn’t know what to do with it.

Still, it makes no difference to him whether Asch goes outside or not. Above all else, Van has taught him how to wait. He settles into a chair with his sword and spends the better part of the next few hours sharpening it and staring down the blade to make sure it’s perfect. Asch doesn’t comment once, not even on the rasp of metal on metal.

The only time they leave the cabin is after the knock on their door announcing dinner. Guy doesn’t leave room for negotiation that time, strapping his sword back to his hip and tossing a coat at Asch. “Let’s go,” he says, doing his best imitation of Van’s commandant voice. Not getting any fresh air is one thing -- not getting any _food_ is another.

Asch still doesn’t say anything during dinner, though, and Guy still has no idea what he’s doing.

* * *

Daath is familiar the way that day old leftovers are familiar -- you’ve seen this before, but it offers no comfort. Daath is not, and never has been, home. Guy knows that for the poor and the sickly and the scared, the city of the Score is a haven and a blessing, but for him, it’s never been anything but walls and ceilings.

He finds Largo and Tritheim at the back of the chapel. Largo dips his head to him as he approaches, a quiet sign of respect that Guy can’t help but feel honored to have. His size aside, Largo is an honorable man. His trust and respect means more to Guy than he could probably explain.

“Major Cecil,” Tritheim greets him. “I trust your mission with Commandant Grants went well, then?”

“Yes, sir,” Guy says. Even though he knows that Tritheim won’t properly appreciate military gestures, it’s hard to stop himself from snapping a hand to his forehead in salute.

“I’m glad to hear that.” The old man gives him a quiet, benevolent smile, and not for the first time, Guy feels a pang in his chest that they have to deceive someone who’s so clearly just looking out for the people. Tritheim doesn’t notice, though, eyes sliding past Guy to land on the four and a half feet of silent, anxious redhead behind him. “And who’s this?”

“This is Asch.” Gently, Guy guides the young boy to stand in front of him for presentation to the Grand Maestro. “Commandant Grants and I picked him up while we were on our mission. The commandant believes he would make a useful addition to the Oracle Knights.”

Tritheim’s old, weathered face grows concerned. “He’s awfully young…”

“He’d hardly be the youngest to join,” Largo points out. His deep voice rumbles with a reminder -- Guy himself was only seven when Van finally found him, and barely eight when he started his Oracle training.

Tritheim sighs. “Well, it’s not a precedent I would have liked to set, but if the commandant believes he holds promise…”

“He won’t let you down, sir,” Guy says with a small smile. He looks down at Asch, who hasn’t said a word. He’ll need new clothes, Guy thinks. A uniform, of course, but street clothes, as well, and… whatever else it is that kids need. Was it really only four years ago that Guy was his age?

“I trust you know what you’re doing, then,” Tritheim says, with that same kind smile, and Guy drops into a small bow, then nods to Largo, and sweeps Asch away before the guilt overcomes him.

* * *

“Who was that old guy?” Asch asks later, as they walk the streets of Daath to hunt down necessities. It’s the first time he’s addressed Guy directly without prompting.

“That was Grand Maestro Tritheim,” Guy says with a wince. “And you probably shouldn’t call him _that old guy_. At least not where anyone can hear.”

Asch is silent for a moment while Guy passes a handful of coins to a merchant and takes the bag of supplies. Then, quietly, he asks, “Do you and Master Van really live here?”

“What, in Daath?” Guy glances around. He supposes it’s not the most hospitable place on the planet, and he would hardly call it home, but there is _something_ to the city that draws people in. He wonders what Asch sees that makes it so wrong.

“Well…” He pauses, juggling the bags in his arms and trying to wiggle his coin purse back into the pocket on the inside of his vest. “We travel a lot, so we’re not here as often as you’d expect, but yes, technically we live here.”

“How old are you?” Asch asks suddenly, and his voice is accusatory. Guy glances down to find the redhead glaring at him with all the force of a hurricane, and Guy can’t help but wonder what he’s done to make him angry now.

“Fourteen,” he answers, bewildered.

“Hmph.” Asch falls silent again after that.

* * *

The next day, Guy hands him his first Oracle uniform. Two weeks later, he reminds him to keep his guard up even as he’s swinging a sword down at his face. Three months after that, Asch graduates from his training and is set to Fon Master Guard for a six month rotation. Guy keeps training him, staying in Daath for longer than he ever has in his life, while Van comes and goes like the seasons.

Asch makes captain at age twelve, sergeant at thirteen, and at fourteen he’s promoted to the God-Generals. They call him Asch the Bloody, and it makes Guy’s stomach turn.

In 2014, three years after Asch’s arrival in Daath, Fon Master Evenos dies, and Ion, who seems like the smallest boy Guy has ever seen in his life, takes his place. He’s only eleven. A year later, Van informs him, on their first joint mission in years, that Mohs has had Ion read his own Score. The Fon Master will die, Van tells him as they fight back to back, and a replica will take his place.

“Doubtless these replicas will aid us,” Van says afterwards. He wipes his sword clean of monster blood and sheathes it. “If I’m not in Daath when it happens, Largo will come to you. I expect you to handle it as you see fit.”

Guy freezes in the middle of wiping down his sword, eyes wide. “Me?”

“Did I not mention?” Van smiles at him. “I’m promoting you. You’ll be captain of the God-Generals.”

“T-that doesnt exist,” Guy stammers. “The God-Generals answer to you.”

“And now they’ll answer to you,” Van responds. He moves to start off again, only to pause and glance back over his shoulder. “Wipe down your blade, you don’t want that rusting.”

So, a month later when they get back to Daath, they hold some ridiculous ceremony and Guy is named commander of the God-Generals. It feels like a hollow title until Largo openly bows his head to him, and then he just feels a little dizzy. Guy is eighteen.

Within a year, they start calling him the Ghost of the God-Generals, and it’s not long before he’s called that almost as often as he’s called _commander_. Sync, who they pick up around the same time that the name pops up (and who Guy is always going to suspect was the first to bring the name into being), finds the whole thing hilarious. Arietta is convinced, for a good three months, that he’s actually a ghost, and Guy doesn’t really know how to handle that.

“You’re some kind of bigshot now, huh?” Asch asks one night. He’s been out of Daath more and more often lately, as Van gears up to finally put things into motion, and they’ve barely had time to talk since Guy’s promotion.

“I don’t know about that,” he says as he packs. He’s leaving in the morning, again.

“They talk like you’ve killed more people than I have,” Asch says. His voice is nonchalant, and Guy hates it. It’s a necessary evil, he knows, that Asch’s name and sword have to be stained with so much blood, but he still hates it. Van is going to make a world where children don’t have to fight, where they don’t have to be taken from their families (have their families taken _from_ them), and Guy will do whatever he has to if it ensures that world will come into being. He just wishes Asch didn’t have to do all of that, too.

“I am four years older than you,” Guy reminds him.

Asch rolls his eyes. “You’re a wealth of untold information, as always.”

Guy throws a balled up shirt at him, but Asch catches it easily. “Who taught you to be such a smartass?” he asks.

“Probably you,” Asch says easily. “You taught me everything else, didn’t you?”

 _Did I teach you how to kill?_ Guy wonders, but he knows the answer to that. “I suppose I did,” he says. “I must have done an exceptionally good job on that lesson.”

Asch snorts. “Better than any of the others, that’s for sure.”

“I’ll remember that,” Guy threatens. He snaps his bag shut and turns to face Asch fully, hands on hips.

Asch looks up, meets his eyes. For a moment they just stare at each other, and then Asch raises and eyebrow. “You got something to say?”

Guy stays silent for a moment, because he does have something to say, but he doesn’t know how to say it, or even what exactly it is. But Asch is fourteen and a murderer and he has to say something -- if only he could find the words.

"Guy?”

“Nothing,” Guy says. He turns away. Another time, he promises himself. He’ll fix this someday, but not tonight.

* * *

Three years later, Van sends orders in two parts from Baticul.

First, get the Fon Master back and start opening the seals to the passage rings. Malkuth and Kimlasca’s war doesn’t matter -- whether it happens or not, their plan will still go forward. Guy passes on the order to the rest of the God-Generals, and they split into four groups to cover more ground. Dist and Sync, always the loners, each head off alone. Largo, Legretta, and Arietta head in their own direction. Guy takes Asch with him and heads for the Rugnican Plains.

“It’s soon, isn’t it?” Asch asks. He leans over the railing of the ship, sea breeze whipping his hair.

Guy nods as he crosses his arms over his chest. He wishes he had something to say, but there’s not much other than that.

Asch is quiet for a moment. “Do you remember when you first brought me back to Daath?”

Guy snorts. “As if I could forget. You hated me.”

“A little,” Asch says mildly. He glances over. “I was more scared than that, though.”

Once again, Guy finds himself speechless.

Asch doesn’t give him a chance to respond, though, straightening and facing him head on. “I’m not scared anymore,” he says. “I know what I have to do, and I’ll do it. Whatever it takes. I have you to thank for that.”

“Who the hell let you grow up?” Guy asks, and he has to force his voice not to rasp. Asch may have grown out of the uniforms Guy got him when he first came to Daath, but Guy is never going to grow out of being a crybaby.

Asch smiles, and there’s a sarcastic edge to it, but Guy knows it’s genuine -- he’s probably one of the only people to have seen a genuine smile out of him. “You did,” he says.

Guy doesn’t think, he just raises his arm, bent at the elbow, fist to the sky. Asch stares at him, bewildered for a moment, and then slowly mirrors the movement, crossing their arms just below the wrist.

“A long time ago,” Guy says quietly, “Van and I swore to fight for each other, no matter what. And I’m swearing to you now, I’m going to fight for you, too.”

Asch doesn’t seem to know what to do with that, and he opens and closes his mouth several times before his face settles, and he just nods. “Then I’ll fight for you, too.”

* * *

The second order comes separate, three days later. Guy and Asch stop in Akzeriuth for the night, and there’s a letter waiting at the inn. On the outside, it says, in Van’s handwriting, _For your eyes only._

Guy reads it after Asch has gone to bed, by the light of the fireplace in the front room of the inn. Inside, Van tells him that Tear’s caught on to them, that the replica is missing, that if he falls into the wrong hands and they don’t get him back, everything is going to fall apart. Guy’s heart pounds in his throat as he reads, the fear rising with every word.

 _Forget the Fon Master,_ Van writes. _Let the others deal with that issue. Find the replica and bring him back to Baticul, no matter what it takes._

And at the bottom of it all, past his signature, past the stamp that proves it’s him, _Don’t tell Asch._

In the morning, the letter is gone, and so is Asch.

* * *

The thing is, there’s no time to look for him, and Guy knows where he’s headed, anyway. He knows _why_ Van didn’t want him to tell Asch, but at the same time, he can’t help but think he would have known how to handle that better.

Still, he thinks as he sets out that morning, before the sun has even risen, it’s not as if he could disobey a direct order.

At the end of the day, he vaults himself off the top of a landship and finds himself confronting Legretta. She stands at the end of his sword, eyes wide with shock, and then narrowed with anger. His heart pounds hard with fear but his voice is steady as he says, “Which do you think is faster? My sword or your bullets?”

“I’m fairly certain bullets travel faster than human muscle,” Legretta replies. Her eyes are dancing back and forth, trying to figure out what’s going on here.

 _Please understand,_ he pleads in his head. _Go find Van after this, he’ll explain, I promise, just please understand._

Out loud, he says, “Are you sure you want to test the Ghost?”

Their eyes lock for just the briefest second, and then Legretta looks to Arietta. “Back inside the Tartarus,” she orders, and they retreat with Arietta’s monsters.

Afterwards, Guy turns to the replica and his newfound friends and grins. “Well, now that that’s taken care of.”

“You’re the Ghost of the God-Generals,” says the girl at the back -- she has long brown hair, a familiar shade, but Guy can’t quite place it until she says, “You work for my brother.”

“Your brother?” Guy asks, surprised, but still carefully cheerful. “You must be Tear, then.”

She looks shocked that he knows her name, but the man in the Malkuth uniform cuts her off before she can speak. “You’ll forgive us if we don’t instantly trust the God-Generals right now,” he says dryly.

“I understand,” Guy says with a smile. He dips his head to the Fon Master, who he honestly wasn’t expecting to find with the replica. “Fon Master Ion.”

The Fon Master gives him a small smile back. “Did Van send you after me?”

“Initially, yes,” Guy answers. He glances over at the replica. “But my orders changed a few days ago.”

“You know Master Van? Is he looking for me?” the replica demands, shoving his way to the front of the group. His voice is… not what Guy was expecting. He demands things in the same way that Asch does, but his voice is higher -- whinier, Guy even wants to say.

“As far as I know, yes, he’s looking for you,” Guy responds. “I don’t know where he is, though. My orders were to search for you as quickly as possible and return you to Baticul.”

“Sounds great to me,” says the replica, “but, uh…” He glances around at his companions. “I have to get these guys in to see my uncle when we get back, and I don’t think they’re gonna wanna go anywhere until they get their friend back.”

“Maybe we should have this conversation further from the landship full of our enemies,” Malkuth military man says, and the others all nod agreement. Guy nods as well, because he knows it’s the right answer, but it still feels off to call them his enemies when they’re the only people he actually knows he can trust.

 _Please, please understand,_ he thinks again as they leave, and no matter how much he smiles, he doesn’t really calm down until the Tartarus is out of view.

* * *

“You’re one of the God-Generals,” Tear says later, when they’ve moved further away from the Tartarus. “Why should we trust you?”

The Fon Master is resting nearby, just out of earshot but still close enough to be watched. Luke is sitting, too, watching silently, and Jade is close enough to be a part of the conversation without actually taking part.

Guy gives her a small smile. “You probably shouldn’t, if you’re being smart. I can’t make any promises. All I can do is tell you that I’m under orders from Van, and you can trust him.”

“Why would he fight those other God-Generals if he wasn’t on our side?” Luke asks loudly. Even Ion looks over at the tone.

“It could be a ruse to deceive us,” Tear points out, and though there’s not quite an accusation in her voice, there’s something close to it.

“I don’t take pleasure in fighting my comrades,” Guy says, injecting enough of his actual feelings on the subject that it bleeds into his voice. “I don’t know what they’re doing, but I’m not a part of it, and I don’t approve.”

“See?” Luke says. He’s not actually sticking his tongue out, but Guy can picture it.

“For the moment, I don’t believe we have any reason to turn him away,” Jade says, finally speaking. “We have two capable fighters, I think we can handle him.”

“Even with that fon slot seal?” Tear asks, at the same time Luke protests, “What do you mean _two?_ ”

“And thus we reveal both our weaknesses in one blow,” Jade sighs.

“If it helps, I don’t plan on taking advantage.” Guy smiles, but no one returns it.

They hang around for several more minutes, during which time Jade quickly fills him in on the basics, Luke whines, Ion rests, and Tear continues to eye Guy suspiciously. He can’t fault her, he supposes, especially given that he knows for a fact that she probably shouldn’t trust either him or her brother, but it still stings. At least until they get back to Baticul, he has no reason to work against them.

And then, just as they’re starting to repack everything to get moving again, Tear suddenly stiffens and looks back over her shoulder down the road the way they came. Guy strains to see what she’s looking at, but can’t see anything. “What is it?” he asks.

“I heard something,” she says, voice low.

“Probably Oracle soldiers,” Jade says. With a flash of light, he summons his spear. Tear grabs her rod, and Luke anxiously places a hand on his sword hilt.

“Let me talk to them first,” Guy urges. “If I can talk them down--”

And then the Oracle soldiers are on them, bursting out of the bushes. Guy raises his sword as a warning, knowing that the sun will catch the Oracle emblems sewn into his uniform. “Stand down,” he barks. “That’s an order!”

But the soldiers aren’t listening -- either too caught up in the rush of battle, or else their orders have come from somewhere so high they’re willing to risk attacking the second highest ranking member of their order. Neither one is good for them, and regardless, they keep coming. Guy cuts down the first one easily, but a second just manages to slip past the reach of his sheath as he swings it around for the backswing. Jade is too far away, guarding the Fon Master, and Luke is wide open, fumbling his sword out of the sheath on his back.

“Luke!” Guy lunges forward, but Tear gets there first, and with no time to swing her staff up, she takes the full force of the blow, falling back into Luke. Guy is there a second later, and he doesn’t even think before driving his sword through the soldier’s chest.

“Tear!” Luke is shouting anxiously, rolling her over to inspect the wound. Behind Guy, Jade easily dispatches the last two soldiers with one arte, and the two quickly rush over as well, Ion just behind them.

Tear just groans at first, holding her wound, and then she blinks open an eye to frown at Luke. “You idiot,” she grumbles, and they all relax a little.

* * *

With Tear’s wound, it’s not safe to move for the night. Guy helps Jade drag the bodies of the Oracle soldiers into the woods and watches while the man burns them to chars without even blinking.

When they get back, Ion and Tear are resting against their packs, and Luke has isolated himself from them both, eyes fixed on the fire. Jade steps forward to put together some sort of meal for them all, but Guy finds himself watching Luke. There’s something about him that reminds him of Asch -- something other than the obvious, of course. They might have grown up in completely different circumstances, but they brood the same way, Guy thinks.

He finds himself dropping into the dirt next to the redhead without really thinking about it. Luke looks up nervously as he does, like he’s waiting to be yelled at. Guy smiles at him. “You okay?”

“You’re not gonna ask why I didn’t make a move when I had the chance?” Luke asks, matter-of-fact and just as straightforward as Guy probably should have expected, knowing Asch.

“Not unless you wanna talk about it,” Guy says. Asch always talks when he’s ready, and no amount of prompting from Guy has ever rushed that. “But if you do, I’ll listen,” he adds.

Luke looks back at the fire, pulling his knees up to his chest and resting his head on top of them. For a few moments, he’s quiet, and Guy almost gets up and leaves him to his thoughts, until quietly, he says, “I don’t want to kill people.”

Guy thinks suddenly of Asch, young and lonely and angry on the boat to Daath immediately after the replication, but also innocent and free of the sins that Van and Guy have forced on him. Luke looks like Asch did back then, scared and frustrated and completely alone in the world. Guy doesn’t want him to kill people, either.

“It’d be a nicer world if things like that could be avoided,” he agrees softly.

“So then… why do we have to fight?” Luke asks, voice suddenly angry. “What’s the point? What does it solve?”

“Outside of the cities, things don’t work the same,” Guy says. “Sometimes it’s kill or be killed. When it comes down to that… you’d rather live than die, right?”

“Obviously!” Luke snaps. His eyes flash the same way Asch’s do, and it takes a great deal of Guy’s strength not to flinch at the familiarity. “I don’t want to die! But… why do I have to kill people to make sure that doesn’t happen?!”

“That’s just how the world is,” Guy says.

Luke flinches, and he looks away, into the darkness. “That’s a little harsh, don’t you think?”

Guy shrugs. “Maybe. But it’s still true. You can’t make people change. Sometimes you just have to deal with how things are.”

“But… doesn’t it scare you?” Luke asks. He looks back, and his eyes are big and young and afraid.

“No,” Guy says, without a second thought. He doesn’t even know if it’s a lie anymore.

* * *

Guy doesn’t know what he said that worked, but obviously something does, because Luke fights from then on. A day and a half later, they reach St. Binah, managing to slip past the Oracle Knights stationed there. After the incident before, Guy doesn’t think even a direct order will get them to stand down.

And then it turns out that the Fon Master Guardian they’re chasing after has already moved on, and after a tense near run in with the God-Generals, they finally head on their way to Kaitzur.

It all strikes Guy as wrong, though -- the whole thing doesn’t match up. Besides how little he wants to be fighting the other God-Generals, the fact that Asch isn’t with them either makes him even more nervous. Asch is clearly chasing after the replica, so the question is, if he’s not with the others, then… where the hell _is_ he?

But Guy has his own orders, so he has no choice but to follow along, at least until Baticul. Except that Kaitzur answers all his questions, and then opens about a million more.

They meet Anise, who is even younger than Guy had pictured, and much touchier than he had hoped. He’s in the middle of trying to keep a polite distance when there’s a flash of familiar black and red, and Luke is on the ground with a sword at his throat, and all Guy can think is that he can’t let Asch stain his sword with his own blood.

“Stand down, Asch,” he says, and his voice is barely his own -- it sounds more like Van’s, a distant part of him thinks.

“Why?” Asch demands, turning his head to meet Guy’s eyes.

“You know why,” Guy tells him. He doesn’t even have his hand on his sword. He doesn’t know how he knows -- but he knows. Asch won’t do it.

“Fine!” Asch shouts, and he snaps the sword away, and then he’s gone, and Guy breathes.

They all breathe, actually, and then, from behind them, “Well handled, Guy.”

“Van!” Guy whips around, relief rushing through him.

“Van,” Tear echoes, in a decidedly less amicable tone.

“Put away your blade, Mystearica,” Van says, smiling at her. “I don’t think you want to fight here. At least hear me out.”

“Tear, please,” Luke says, finally climbing to his feet.

Tear’s eyes flicker back and forth between them all, but they land on Guy last, and he doesn’t know why, but it feels significant -- like she trusts him, he thinks, though he can’t imagine why.

Still, he nods once. _Please trust us,_ he pleads, and finally she puts away her knife.

* * *

That night, he and Van slip out of the inn to speak in private -- Oracle matters, they tell the others, and since Ion is already asleep, no one questions it.

“You did well,” Van says as they walk Kaitzur’s single street. It’s not meant to be a place to live, Guy thinks, but there are still people who have made it their home. There are a lot of places like that, he supposes.

“Thank you,” he responds softly. “But… you’re not mad about Asch?”

“I suppose it was foolish to try to keep him out of this forever,” Van sighs. “The replica would have had to have left Baticul eventually. It’s to be expected that he would seek him out, at the very least.”

“At the least…” Guy agrees. “That didn’t look like he just wanted to talk, though.”

“No, I suppose it didn’t.” Van stops, staring out through the front gates of the Malkuth side of Kaitzur. He’s silent for a long time.

Anxiety tugs at Guy’s stomach. “Is everything all right?” he asks finally.

Van still doesn’t answer for a few moments. Guy opens his mouth to prompt again, starting to feel just the smallest bit afraid, but Van speaks before he can say anything. “It’s soon,” is all he says.

“I thought it must be,” Guy murmurs. “We’ll need the Fon Master, won’t we?”

Van hums agreement. “We’ll worry about it once we get back to Baticul. For now, let’s just focus on keeping the replica and the Fon Master in our hands.”

“What about Legretta and the others?” Guy asks. “Things didn’t exactly go well the last time we ran into them. Arietta chased us all the way to the Fubras River -- apparently Luke killed that liger that was watching over her.”

“Don’t be concerned with them,” Van says dismissively. “Once we get to Baticul, I’ll send out new orders. They’ll understand then.” He pauses. “But I’ll leave you to deal with Asch.”

Guy tenses, looks over at the commandant, but Van isn’t looking back. His eyes are still fixed on the horizon, far away and dimming with every second. “You’ve always understood him better,” he says. “I trust you to put him back on the right track.”

“I… I don’t know what to say,” Guy admits softly.

Finally, Van turns and meets his eyes, smiles. “I have always had the utmost faith in you,” he says, his voice low and private. “You know that. There is no one I trust more than you.”

Guy’s stomach churns a little. “Thank you,” he mumbles, looking away quickly.

Van drops an arm around his shoulders and turns them back toward the inn. “It will all fall together soon,” he says quietly. “All we’ve worked for will be a reality, and you’ll have your home back.”

Except that _home_ doesn’t mean _Hod,_ anymore, Guy thinks. But he doesn’t know how to tell Van of all people that home doesn’t have to be a place -- that Guy’s home is the whole planet over, as long as Van is at his left and Asch is at his right.

So he bites back the words, and just nods.

* * *

“If it’s not too much trouble, I’d like to see Luke’s manor,” Ion says, and everyone agrees, and Guy doesn’t even give it a second thought.

“This is the main hall, blah, blah,” Luke says dismissively as they step through the front door, and then they’re swamped by maids. Guy presses himself back against the door before he can get swept up in any of it, heart suddenly pounding through his ribcage.

“Luke!” A tall man with dark red hair so familiar that something sticks in Guy’s throat -- Luke’s father, he realizes, and Asch’s, too -- pushes through the crowd of maids, and lands both his hands on Luke’s shoulders.

“Father,” Luke says quietly.

For a moment, they stare at each other, and then Duke Fabre nods once and steps back, eyes turning to the rest of the group. “Thank you all for escorting my son home,” he says, and then he sweeps out.

“Sorry about that,” Luke mumbles, and then turns back to the room. “So, yeah. Main hall. Exciting. Come on, I’ll show you the garden.”

“Nice sword,” Anise comments as they head for a door off to the side.

“Huh?” Luke turns around, eyebrows raised. “Oh, that. It’s been there as long as I can remember. I don’t know anything about it.”

“You’ve got all this history in your own manor and you don’t know anything about it?” Guy asks, and it’s a joke -- until his eyes land on the sword in question, and then he feels his entire existence narrow down to a single point.

Because he knows that sword -- the spiked hilt, the silver of the blade that glints blue in the light, absent only the sheath that used to rest at his father’s hip, and he feels like he’s going to throw up.

“Of course I don’t,” Luke whines. “What do I care about any of that? Come on, the garden’s way more interesting.”

Guy says nothing, turns away slowly and follows the rest of them into a side hall and then out into a spacious garden courtyard. His mind is racing through possibilities -- is it just a spoil of war? Something pretty handed over to the Duke when the war was over? Or is the killer _here?_ And if they are… why did Van never tell him?

“Master Luke!” An old man rushes forward with a pair of hedge clippers in his hands. Guy stumbles backwards without thinking and nearly knocks into Anise in his haze. It takes all his control to force himself to breathe. _Calm down,_ he yells at himself.

“Hey, Pere,” Luke says wearily. “Having fun with the garden?”

“Oh, Master Luke, the garden is nothing without you to admire it,” the old man says with a smile so wide it splits his face in two. “I’m so happy to see you home safe.”

“Pere’s been the gardener here forever,” Luke explains to the rest of the group.

“Oh, hardly forever,” the old man laughs. “Only about fifteen years.”

“What did you do before that?” Ion asks kindly -- it’s genuine interest, Guy thinks. He’s never met someone so honestly interested in other people’s lives.

“A bit of travel,” Pere says. A bit of sadness slips into his smile. “My home was lost in the last war, unfortunately, and I spent a good deal of time trying to find somewhere to settle before I found this place.”

“Lost, was it?” Jade asks, with just enough suspicion in his voice that Guy picks up on it, and his heart skips a beat, and he has to sit down. _Now._

“You guys go on without me,” he says. It doesn’t feel like he’s controlling his own body -- the words just come to him and flow out of his mouth without his orders. “I’m just gonna sit down for a second.”

“Huh?” Luke turns, frowning. “Are you okay?”

“I’m fine,” Guy says, forcing a smile. “Just a little dizzy. I’m probably just tired from all that running around. I’ll be fine in a minute.”

“If you say so…” Luke glances around, waiting for someone else to say something, but they’re all too convinced of Guy’s strength to be worried about him, so Luke just sighs and leads them off.

Guy wonders how much of that strength is a lie, as he slowly makes his way over to a bench and sits down.

“Can I get you a glass of water, sir?”

His head snaps up, and Pere is standing over him, hedge clippers still in hand, and a smaller, kinder smile on his face than before.

“I’m fine, thank you,” he says, dropping his head back down. “I just need a minute.”

“Should I call for a doctor?” Pere asks.

“No!” Guy’s voice comes out harsher than he meant it to, and he digs his fingers into his scalp. “I’m fine,” he says again, lower this time.

Pere sits down next to him on the bench, gently. He says nothing as Guy slowly massages his temples, trying to bring his composure back. When he finally sits up, Pere gives him another smile. “Better?” he asks.

“Yeah, sort of.” Guy stares out across the garden, unable to make eye contact as he prepares himself to speak. “Can I ask you something?”

“Hmm?” Pere sounds genuinely surprised that anyone would be asking him anything.

“You said your home was destroyed in the last war,” Guy says, his voice dropping low. He knows where they are, and he knows fully well what will happen if people overhear them. “Fifteen years ago? That would’ve had to be right around the start of the war.”

“I… suppose so,” Pere says. He’s very calm, Guy thinks. Probably comes from practice.

“There’s only one place I know of that fell so early in the war,” Guy murmurs. “I think you know what I’m talking about.”

Pere is quiet for a moment, but when he speaks, his voice is still just as relaxed as before. “I might. May I ask why it’s so important?”

“Because it was my home, too,” Guy says, and he still can’t make eye contact. His whole body feels like it’s about to explode. If someone else survived… If he and Van aren’t the only ones…

“You’re from Hod?” Pere asks, his composure finally slipping. Guy still can’t look. “But… you would have been a child! How could you have survived?”

“Because the people who came to kill me weren’t paying close enough attention,” Guy says, voice hoarse. “I know who owned that sword in the front hall. He was my father.”

“You… Gailardia?”

Guy doesn’t know what to say. He rubs at his eyes, nods.

Pere coughs once, twice, and then takes a deep breath. “This isn’t the place to talk,” he says, finally.

“You’re probably right,” Guy says. His throat hurts, but he stands swiftly, pushes his hair back into place, runs his hands over his face until he feels like himself again. Of course he’s right -- he knows where he is, and he has responsibilities still. He turns, looks down at Pere, who’s still sitting. “Come by the inn after you finish your work tonight,” he says. “I’ll be waiting.”

* * *

It’s nearly midnight when the front doors to the inn open and Pere steps through. Guy doesn’t move from his chair, but Pere finds him easily and sits down across from him at the small table.

Neither of them speaks for a minute, and then, quietly, Pere says, “I thought you were dead.”

“Pere isn’t your full name,” Guy guesses.

“No,” the old man agrees softly. “I was Peregynt Sadan Naimach before I left the island. After the attack on your family, I… I felt that I had to fix things.”

“You served my family?”

“I suppose you wouldn’t remember,” Pere says with a smile. “You were only four when the attack took place… I left the island after that. The emperor ordered all Malkuth forces off the island after the attack, so I slipped in with them and stayed in St. Binah for a time. After the island… was destroyed, I… I found a new purpose.”

“Revenge?” Guy asks. Pere nods.

Guy stares down at the table for a moment or two before asking his next question. “Did he kill them? Duke Fabre, I mean.”

“Yes.” Pere answers without hesitation. “The few people who survived said that without a doubt the man had hair as red as blood, and the only people ranked high enough in Kimlasca’s military with hair that color were Duke Fabre and the king himself.”

“Why are you working for him?” Guy asks.

“Revenge,” Pere says, and then he pauses, softens, smiles. “Well, I was, anyway. The first time I entered the manor and saw your father’s sword hanging there, I knew I would kill him with that sword.” He takes a deep breath. “And then I met his son.”

“Luke?” Guy is surprised -- Luke’s not a bad kid, but he’s hardly the most inspiring young man that Guy has ever met.

Pere sighs. “He wasn’t always like he is now. After the kidnapping, the maids all spoiled him. He’s had people waiting on him left and right for the last seven years, but before that, he was an independent young boy. He wanted to do everything himself. He wanted to change the world.”

Asch, Guy realizes. Of course the Luke from after the kidnapping would be different -- they were two different people. Guilt churns in his stomach, but he can’t say anything, Van’s face flashing in the back of his mind.

“But even before that,” Pere goes on, “he was a good child. When I saw him with his father, I saw what you would never have, and I… couldn’t go through with it. I couldn’t take another child from this world, nor could I take his father.” He smiles, a bit sadly. “Maybe it was cowardice.”

“Or it’s bravery,” Guy says, the words coming unbidden and from who knows where. He can’t meet Pere’s eyes, suddenly. “To look into the eyes of someone who took something from you and just… let it go.”

Pere chuckles quietly, and one of his hands, old and wrinkled (and Guy doesn’t understand why he can’t even remember this man), comes to rest on top of Guy’s where they’re clasped together on the table. “I’m just an old man who couldn’t pick up a sword,” he says warmly. “You’re a young man who lost everything, and somehow found the strength to fight for a higher purpose. You are braver than I could ever hope to be.”

The only higher purpose he has is Van, Guy thinks. “I’m not a hero,” he says.

Pere smiles, and Guy can finally meet his eyes. “You don’t have to be,” he says back. “You just have to do what you can.”

* * *

They only get one real chance to talk before they leave, and Guy nearly wastes it only listening to orders.

“I’ll be traveling by sea,” Van says. “When you get to Akzeriuth, make sure the replica comes down to the tunnel as soon as possible. I should be waiting for you, but if I’m not, then find me.”

“Wouldn’t it make more sense to clear the people out of the town first?” Guy asks.

“We have to deal with the miasma as quickly as possible,” Van says, for the fifteenth time. “We’ll worry about the rest later. Just get the replica to the Sephiroth, and I’ll handle it from there.”

“Understood,” Guy says, but he feels like mumbling _okay, okay._

There’s a moment of silence, and he can feel Van’s eyes on him. He doesn’t turn his eyes away from the movement below them in the lower decks of Baticul.

“What happened?” Van asks finally.

“Nothing,” Guy says.

“Do not lie to me,” Van says, and his voice is so forceful that Guy flinches. Maybe it’s just the stress of the upcoming mission, but Van should know he doesn’t have to push Guy like he has to push the others. It doesn’t take that level of force.

Guy hesitates, trying to figure out how to word what he needs to say, but the hesitation draws out too long for Van’s patience, and he’s suddenly grabbing Guy by the shoulder, twisting him around to slam his back into the railing. The metal digs hard into Guy’s spine, but not as bad as Van’s fingers on his shoulder.

He’s never been _afraid_ of Van before, he thinks, dazed, as he stares up at him.

“I don’t have time for this,” Van spits. “Do you realize how close we are, right now?”

“Yes,” Guy says. His body is trying to press itself further back into the railing, but there’s nowhere to go, and he feels strangely disconnected from it all, anyway.

“Then do not waste my time,” Van says. His fingers tighten on Guy’s shoulder. “If something is endangering this mission, then I need to know now.”

“It’s not that--”

“Then _what?_ ” Van demands.

“Why didn’t you tell me?” Guy asks, even though he wasn’t going to, even though he had decided it was unnecessary, resolved against it -- but fear does strange things to a person.

“What are you talking about?” Van’s eyes are searching his, still fiercer, angrier than they should be, Guy thinks.

“About Duke Fabre,” Guy says. “About what he did.”

For a moment, Van’s grip stays tight around Guy’s shoulder, and then he drops his hand away altogether. “There was never a reason to tell you.”

“Never a reason?” Guy echoes. “How about closure? Is that not a reason?”

“You wouldn’t have had closure,” Van says, like he _knows,_ like it was _his_ family that was slaughtered, _stolen,_ and Guy has never been angry at him, either, but today is a day of firsts, apparently.

“You don’t know that,” Guy says. His voice is level.

“Yes, I do,” Van says back, voice equally level. “You would have wanted revenge, and I wouldn’t have blamed you. He killed your entire family in cold blood. He’s a murderer. He deserves death. But I did not need your anger directed at him.”

“Why do you get to direct my emotions?” Guy demands, and that anger that Van thinks he can control surges up higher. “Why is it up to you how I react? He killed my family! I deserved to know!”

“Keep your voice down,” Van snaps. “It would be very entertaining if you ruined everything here and now by being too loud, wouldn’t it?”

“Why didn’t you tell me?” Guy yells, louder, and Van slaps him.

It’s not the sting that hurts -- it’s not even the shock. It’s… something else. It’s wondering if this has always been lying just under the surface, it’s wondering if he’s talked like this to Asch -- it’s the resolve deep inside him that if he’s ever hit Asch before, Guy will kill him.

“I saved you,” Van says, voice low. “Without me, you would be dead, or else wandering Malkuth, alone. How many people would have taken you in? How many people would do for you what I’ve done? I’ve given you a purpose, and that’s more than anyone else could have done. We swore ourselves to that purpose, to _each other._ I would never have kept something from you if I thought you needed to know.”

Guy feels sick again. He leans back against the railing, suddenly deflated, anger gone. He’s right, isn’t he? If Van hadn’t come to the manor, hadn’t pulled him out of the wreckage, he would have died along with the island. No matter what else, Guy owes Van his life.

“You’re right,” he says.

Van rests his hands on Guy’s shoulders, much gentler than before. “I’m sorry I couldn’t tell you,” he says softly. “And I’m sorry you had to find out like this. But he will pay. Everyone who has ever hurt us will pay. Soon.”

Guy nods, because he doesn’t know what else to say. There’s a part of him that wishes Van would pull him into a hug, but he knows it won’t happen, so he doesn’t bother initiating.

“Come,” Van says then, turning away and sweeping back towards the castle and the Fabre manor. “It’s almost time.”

Guy follows after, as always.

* * *

Later that day, Van gets on a ship, Ion is kidnapped (again), and they sneak into an abandoned factory where they are joined by a blonde princess with an attitude. Guy doesn’t mind so much -- she is fairly accomplished with archery, and it never hurts to have another healer around, even if they are a woman -- but it does strike him as a bit odd how whatever she has on Luke turns the whole situation around immediately. He can’t help but wonder if that’s just one of those _childhood friends_ things that he missed out on.

Either way, they make it through the factory, Luke does some screaming, Asch is there, and Guy can’t get him back. He disappears in the Tartarus with Ion, and Guy doesn’t know if he’s acting under Van’s orders or not, but he doesn’t like having to work against him, no matter what.

In the ruins under the Zao Desert, he confronts Asch again, but he doesn’t fight -- he stands back and keeps Ion away from the battle while the rest of them are occupied with Sync and Largo. Guy looks back over his shoulder when they leave, Ion with them this time, but Asch won’t meet his eyes.

In Chesedonia his arm and his mind burn -- flashes of memories he doesn’t fully have, the sword hanging on Duke Fabre’s wall, Pere’s words, _“I couldn’t take another child from this world,”_ and the thought of Guy’s blade slicing through the nearest redhead is sickeningly beautiful. He doesn’t really come back to himself until they’re on a ferry to the Kaitzur naval port, and even then, with the physical pain gone, the memories are still there.

“It’s a Daathic fonic arte, passed down only between Fon Masters,” Ion says, and Guy is going to _kill_ Sync, he swears it.

They fight Legretta, and Guy doesn’t understand why Van doesn’t have the God-Generals under orders to just _let them pass,_ and maybe it makes him a little irritable, and maybe he gets a little wild during the battle. He holds himself tense while Tear heals him afterwards, and he feels like he’s going to snap. He sees Luke struggling with something and doesn’t know how to approach him, because the memories of the curse slot are still right there, just under the surface, like Van’s slap, and Guy wonders how his thoughts would have changed, had Asch been there.

And then, finally, after two more days of walking, they’re in Akzeriuth. They’re dirty and exhausted and snapping at each other, but they’re there, and the people need them to be a team more than they need to yell at each other, so Guy does what he can.

There’s no sign of Van -- not at first. A man in a miner’s uniform tells them that the commandant (“some man named Grants,” he says) took a vanguard down into Tunnel 14, where the miasma is the worst, and Luke declares that _that’s_ where they’re going, and no one even protests.

The tunnel is nearly overrun with monsters, at least until they start seeing miasma, and then even the monsters start to clear out. Then they hit a room of fallen miners, passed out and breathing in miasma and dying, and everyone spreads out to help.

Luke hangs back, looking guilty, looking frustrated, looking antsy. There’s no sign of Van, so Guy hangs back too, slipping up next to Luke.

“What’s wrong?” he asks, quietly enough that his voice won’t travel.

“Where’s Master Van?” Luke asks back, voice similarly low. “Why isn’t he here? Shouldn’t we be looking for him, not wasting time?”

Guy glances around -- Tear and Natalia are healing, Anise and Jade are both helping people stumble to their feet, Ion is comforting a young man he’s too weak to help himself. Guy should be a part of that, he thinks, but Van’s orders are firm in his mind, so he puts a hand on Luke’s shoulder.

“Let’s go find him, then,” he says with a smile, and they disappear down a side tunnel.

“Where are you going?” Ion asks, and Guy is uncomfortably reminded of Sync, the way he just appears behind them like that.

“We have to find Master Van,” Luke declares.

Guy winces -- way to throw him off. “If he beat us here, he might have a better understanding of the situation,” he tells Ion with a small smile. “If he knows somewhere our attention is better focused, I would rather speak to him than waste our time elsewhere.”

Ion nods solemnly. “Then I’ll come, too.”

Guy’s first instinct is to tell him to go back, to tell him that he and Luke can find Van themselves, but he doesn’t know whether they’ll need him, so he just sighs. “All right, come on,” he says, and leads the way further into the tunnel.

The response inside him when he finally catches sight of Van is relief mixed with fear -- different from what he’s used to, and he doesn’t give in to that usual faint desire to rush over, fall in at his side. Van is tense, standing before some sort of seal or door, and Guy can’t help but think that the anger from the other day still hasn’t faded. A part of him wants to push Luke and Ion behind him as they approach, but the rest of him is frozen, waiting for orders as Luke shoves ahead, shouting, “Master Van!”

Van turns, smiles. “There you are,” he says warmly. “I was wondering when you would get here.”

“We got stuck in the desert,” Luke complains. “It took _forever,_ but we’re here now! Is it time?”

“Time for what?” Ion asks, and Guy can’t help but echo the question in his head.

“Soon,” Van promises, patting Luke’s hair. Guy clenches his jaw to fight the urge to drag Luke away, visions of Van’s hands punishing Asch for imagined mistakes flashing through his mind.

Van turns to Ion. “Fon Master,” he says, “could I ask you to remove the Daathic seal here?”

“I don’t know how that will help…” Ion says warily. “I’m not sure that venturing further down will give us any new information.”

Van offers no explanation, only smiles. “Please, Fon Master,” he says. Guy feels sick.

The Fon Master removes the seal, and Guy catches him before he can fall, and once he’s recovered, they head further in. Luke and Ion stay in the front, Van’s presence at the back anchoring Guy to his spot in the formation.

“You did well to get him down here so quickly,” Van says, voice low.

Guy keeps his eyes fixed on Luke’s back. The replica’s eyes are wide with wonder as he stares around him, asking Ion all kinds of questions that the Fon Master doesn’t quite answer. “I didn’t do much,” he says back. “He did most of it on his own.”

Van snorts. “He’s a replica,” he says, and Guy knows what he means by that, and there’s no further elaboration.

It feels like they walk forever before they finally get anywhere, and Guy can’t help but stare in awe. The passage rings are nothing like he expected -- masterpieces of Dawn Age fon machinery, supporting their entire world. He wants to take it apart and piece it back together slowly, so he can understand every piece, but Van’s voice breaks through his wonder as he strides forward.

“Come here, Luke,” he calls, and he stops in front of the passage ring, staring at it up and down.

“What is he going to do?” Ion asks Guy quietly. Guy just shakes his head.

“Now,” Van says, landing both hands on Luke’s shoulders. Guy jolts with a sudden memory, a flash of Van’s hands on his own shoulders in Baticul. Next to him, he can feel Ion’s eyes on him, questioning, but he doesn’t look, doesn’t speak, doesn’t breathe.

“Focus,” Van says. “Direct your power forward.”

Luke closes his eyes, and slowly, a ball of white light forms between his palms. And then Van leans forward one more time, and says, “Now, foolish replica Luke.”

The ensuing explosion catches them all off guard -- except Van, who rides it like he’s been doing this his whole life. Guy can’t tear his eyes from him -- the expression on his face is wild with glee. He wants this, Guy realizes. He doesn’t know what’s happening, but whatever it is, it’s all going exactly according to Van’s plan.

There’s a moment of quiet, and then the ground shakes underneath them, and Van laughs, almost disbelievingly, like he wasn’t sure if it would work. Guy catches Ion as he stumbles into him.

“Damn it!” Asch snarls, and Guy whips around in shock.

“What are you doing her--” he starts, but Van cuts him off with a shout.

“Asch!” he yells, furious suddenly. “What are you doing here? I told you not to come!”

“I’m not letting you do this,” Asch snaps. He steps in front of Guy and Ion, rests a hand on his sword. Guy can barely comprehend what he’s seeing.

Then the ground shakes again, and Asch stumbles backwards. Guy rushes to steady him, which is hard with one arm wrapped around Ion, but he manages to get a hand behind him anyway. Asch doesn’t even look at him.

“Well, I had hoped to save the Fon Master,” Van sighs, “but I suppose it’ll have to be you instead. I can’t afford to lose you.” He raises an arm, and two monsters appear seemingly from nowhere and snatch both him and Asch away. Guy’s hand is still stretched out, fingers curled around air.

“Van!” Tear and the others suddenly skid in. “Why are you doing this!”

“You’ll understand one day, Mystearica,” Van says with a smile. His eyes fix on Guy, and his smile drops, and Guy doesn’t know what to say, how to react, but then he’s gone and it doesn’t matter.

“Everyone get close!” Tear shouts. Guy shoves Ion towards the group, and lunges forward for Luke, who’s collapsed next to the passage ring. He gets one of the replica’s arms over his shoulders and stumbles back towards everyone else, and Tear raises her staff and begins to sing, and the whole world begins to fall.

 


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> There's an offhanded comment in here about a binder -- I just want to clarify that I do mean that in the chest binding sense. I headcanon Guy as trans, and he's still trans in this fic, it's just not important enough to the story to get any major plot focus. He is, however, still trans.
> 
> I should probably also mention there's a mention or two of some Asch/Natalia in here.

“Oh, Ion,” Anise says, so quietly that everyone can barely hear, “I don’t think we’re in Akzeriuth anymore.”

“What… is this place?” Natalia whispers.

“This is the Qliphoth,” Tear says. She and Jade are the only ones keeping calm, it seems. Guy stumbles to his feet, wiping mud and dust from his uniform. He has vague memories of the sea of miasma from his time in Yulia City, before he and Van left for Daath -- it’s just as terrifying now as it was over ten years ago.

Behind him, Tear explains what the Qliphoth is, how it came to be like this, how the Outer Lands came into being, but Guy barely hears any of it. He feels… hollow. Akzeriuth is gone, he realizes distantly. The small remnants of the land will slowly fall into the miasma, and if anyone is still alive they will drown in dark purple mud. And it happened because of Van -- because Van wanted it to happen.

“H-help…”

Guy’s eyes track slowly across the sea of miasma to land on a young boy floating on a tiny strip of wood -- the side of a house, or a beam from one of the mining tunnels.

“Daddy,” the boy whimpers as the miasma laps at his ankles, his calves, his knees. “Daddy, help…”

Guy’s stomach twists, and he takes a step forward without thinking, only to feel a hand wrap around his wrist and pull him back. “You can’t!” Tear says urgently. “The miasma will kill you before you ever get to him!”

He jerks his hand back, stumbling a few steps away in a daze, and the look in Tear’s eyes tells him she can see how he feels -- she’s probably feeling it, too, he realizes.

“He’ll die…” Natalia says. There are tears in her eyes as she lifts her hands to her face. Guy can’t watch as the boy sinks all the way into the miasma, but Natalia keeps her eyes fixed firmly on him the entire time.

“Are we going to die, too…?” Anise asks. She’s holding Ion close to her body like she can fight the miasma away.

“No,” Jade says before anyone else can answer. He has a determined expression fixed on his face -- only slightly different than his usual look, but there’s a twist to it that says he’s not going to die here, and he’s not going to let anyone else die here, either.

“Is that the Tartarus?” Luke asks suddenly. Guy hadn’t even realized he was awake until then, but he has Mieu in his arms, fingers running through the cheagle’s fur. Guy doesn’t think he even realizes he’s petting him.

They make their way to the landship, and as soon as they’ve made it onboard Luke sinks to to the deck, his fingers still tight in Mieu’s fur. The cheagle is trembling, but not nearly as bad as Luke is, Guy thinks.

And of course, why wouldn’t he be shaking? He just destroyed an entire city -- was _tricked_ into destroying an entire city. And Guy helped it happen.

“If we head west from here, we’ll reach a place called Yulia City,” Tear says.

“I still don’t even understand how we ended up here to begin with!” Anise complains.

“The Sephiroth tree was destroyed,” Guy says. He crosses his arms, leans back against the guard rail. “The commandant forced Luke to use his hyperresonance on the passage ring, and it cancelled out all fonon interaction, so the tree disappeared and the land fell.”

“You know about the Sephiroth?” Tear turns on him, eyes wide.

“Only those of maestro rank or higher are supposed to know about the passage rings,” Ion says slowly. “Unless you were born in the Qliphoth…”

_Shit,_ of course. “Van told me about it once,” Guy says, looking away. “I didn’t think he was supposed to, but…”

“Obviously the commandant takes part in plenty of activities he’s not supposed to,” Jade says dryly.

“I don’t understand,” Luke says, his voice quiet. Mieu is slumped against his side, but he looks up nervously when Luke speaks. “Why did he do it? Why _me?_ ”

“He--” Guy starts to speak, but Jade laughs suddenly, cutting him off.

“I would think you would have concerns beside yourself, after all that’s happened,” he says. There’s an expression on his mouth halfway between a smirk and a sneer, with a twist of disappointment to it. “But obviously not even mass murder can break you out of your self-centeredness.”

“Hey!” Guy tries to protest, but no one is listening to him.

“It’s not my fault!” Luke snaps. He gets a foot underneath him, half stands. “I… I didn’t mean for it to happen! Master Van made me!”

“I have no time to listen to this.” Jade turns away and opens the door to the Tartarus’s cabin. “We have places to go. If you overcome your crippling self-obsession, I’ll be piloting the Tartarus.”

“You need to watch your words,” Natalia snaps at Luke. “You killed those people, the least you could do is take responsibility for it.”

“I didn’t do that!” Luke’s voice turns desperate. “Natalia, please!”

“Come on, Ion.” Anise grabs his arm in one hand, and Natalia’s in the other. “Let’s go get some rest.”

“I don’t understand!” Luke sinks back to his knees. “I… I didn’t want this to happen, why is it my fault?!”

“Luke, enough!” Tear turns on him. “Regardless of whether you meant for it to happen or not, you have to accept responsibility! You could have chosen to come to one of us instead of blindly trusting my brother, but you didn’t, and people died because of it! If you don’t take responsibility for that, then you fail to respect their deaths. And I can’t respect you because of it.”

“But…” Luke watches her go, and Guy hates the look on his face. He looks too much like Asch, like he looked when Guy and Van took him from his home and forced him into something he never asked for. But that only makes sense, doesn’t it? Since that’s exactly what they’ve done to Luke, just like they did to Asch.

“Guy…” Luke looks over at him, and there are real, honest to god tears in his eyes, and Guy tries hard not to flinch back at seeing Asch’s face cry. “Guy, it’s not my fault, right?”

The words choke in Guy’s throat. Whose fault is it, if it’s not Luke’s? Is it Van’s, for starting this whole thing to begin with? For taking Asch from his home, replicating him, for forcing Luke’s hyperresonance? Or maybe it’s Guy’s fault, for not stopping Van when he had the chance, when he realized something was wrong, when he first started to feel bad for Luke.

“I…” But he can’t meet Luke’s eyes anymore, and he turns away. “I don’t know.”

* * *

Asch comes to find him, later, when Luke is knocked out in bed, and Guy realizes he can’t quite meet his gaze, either.

“I thought you might want to talk,” Asch says. His tone is nothing like it is usually -- he sounds angrier than Guy has heard him in a long time, and Guy clenches his hands into fists, leaning against the wall of Yulia City. He’s let him down.

“We probably should,” he agrees, staring out over the miasma.

“Did you know what Van was planning?” Asch asks, skipping the middle steps. No dancing around it, then, Guy thinks tiredly. That probably shouldn’t surprise him, though. Maybe it’s just because he hasn’t had to deal with this side of Asch in a long time.

“No,” he says. “I knew he was planning something. I didn’t think it was… that. I don’t think any of us saw mass murder coming.”

“Everyone else knew,” Asch says flatly.

Guy’s head snaps around to meet his eyes. “What?”

“Sync, Legretta, everyone,” Asch says. “They all knew, but apparently he never bothered to tell them not to pass it on.”

“Because we shouldn’t have been anywhere near them.” Guy slumps back against the railing again. “Because I was supposed to be looking for the Fon Master, and you were supposed to be with me.”

“And obviously that worked out.” Asch looks away, falls silent.

“So what now?” Guy asks quietly. “What are you going to do?”

Asch crosses his arms over his chest. Guy doesn’t understand how he got so old without Guy even noticing. “Tear says I should talk to the mayor,” he says. “Figure out a way to get us all back to the Outer Lands with the Tartarus.” He pauses, winces -- the first noticeable emotion Guy’s seen on his face other than frustration or anger since they split up. “Or, well, those of us who want to go, at least.”

“What do you mean by that?” Guy asks, bewildered.

“I’m not going to make anyone go with me who doesn’t want to,” Asch says, still not looking at him. “Tear’s staying behind to speak with her grandfather and figure out what she wants to do next. If you don’t want to come, then--”

“Of course I’m coming,” Guy cuts him off. He drops his hands to his sides, straightens and faces him fully. “I’m not about to leave you now. You’re going after Van, right? I’ve got a few things I’d like to say to him, as well.”

Asch’s glances over, out of the corner of his eye, then closes his eyes completely and turns away. “Then I’ll let you know when we have a plan.”

* * *

Luke still isn’t awake when they leave. They ride the Sephiroth up to the Outer Lands, and when they break the surface, Asch says, “We’ll head to Belkend first.”

“What’s in Belkend?” Natalia asks, bewildered. She’s dancing around Asch -- it never occurred to Guy that she would have known him, before.

A pause. “Van’s home base,” Asch says finally.

Ah, Guy thinks awkwardly. So he’s dancing around it, too. _Straight people._

“We don’t know that he’ll be there,” Guy points out, glancing over his shoulder. Asch only meets his eyes for a second before he looks away, and Guy turns his eyes back out the window of the Tartarus. “If he got caught in the fallout from Akzeriuth, he might still be in the Qliphoth.”

“Then we’ll interrogate his stupid henchmen until they spill where he is,” Asch snaps. He heads for his own set of controls. “Let’s get a move on!”

Guy clenches his jaw as they take off -- it’s so easy to let himself fall into the routines he’s used to. Missions with Asch used to be such a familiar thing. It used to be so easy to have him at his side, always a half step behind, but keeping up nevertheless. And now…

He doesn’t know what’s changed. Maybe it’s meeting his replica, seeing his own face being used by one of the only people he thought he could trust -- used to destroy an entire town, murder thousands of people, all in one go. Maybe it’s the loss of that trust, maybe he thinks that if he can’t trust Van anymore, then how the hell can he trust Guy?

And Guy can’t even blame him. He can barely even trust himself.

His hands tense on the controls. Not even the familiar hum of the machinery can calm him. He feels like a live wire. He failed Asch, by not keeping him out of this like he’d told himself he would. He failed Luke, by letting him become a murderer. And he failed himself, by not keeping them both safe.

Images flash in his mind -- Kaitzur, where he couldn’t bring Asch back, Chesedonia, where the anger overcame him, and Akzeriuth, where he walked Luke to the gallows himself.

There’s a choice in front of him, he realizes. He just… doesn’t quite know what it is yet.

* * *

The thing is, every time he closes his eyes, he sees Luke’s face on the backs of his eyelids, and it’s not a pretty sight. It’s Asch’s face, but younger, more innocent, the way he was when Guy and Van stole him away, and Guy is watching him turn into a murderer all over again.

He naps briefly once they have the Tartarus set on the right course, but his sleep is fitful and doesn’t give him any real rest. He wakes up with a rough, nauseous feeling in the pit of his stomach every time, and the one dream he has is just of a promise to himself, swearing to Asch in his head that he would fix things one day.

But he hasn’t fixed anything. He’s made it worse. He’s been given the same opportunities, the same chances, and he’s made the same mistakes all over again. He’s taken another innocent person and turned them into a murderer, and for what? For Van?

But… Van promised him, didn’t he? That he would bring back Hod, that they would walk into a new future, one uncontrolled by the Score. And wasn’t he the one to save Guy’s life? What if he hadn’t found him, buried under the corpses of his sisters and his maids, what if he hadn’t taken him to Daath, what if he hadn’t made him an Oracle Knight? Where would Guy be now? Dead? Or worse?

He owes Van his life. He owes him _more_ than that. He owes him his sword, his allegiance, his every thought and action. It’s not just that he swore himself to Van -- it’s that Van swore himself to _him_ , and Guy will never be able to make up for that.

He just… doesn’t know if he’ll ever be able to make up for what he’s done to Asch, either.

* * *

“We’re going to Ortion Cavern,” Asch says, and the choice makes itself clear.

He waits till they leave the research lab, but as soon as they’re outside, Guy turns to the group and says, “I’m getting off here.”

“What?” The whole group turns on him, eyes wide.

“I’m going back.” He looks away, resting a hand on his sword. “I’m worried about Luke.”

“How can you say that?” Natalia demands. “The real Luke is right here! Shouldn’t you know that better than anyone else here?”

Asch doesn’t say anything at first, but he meets Guy’s eyes for half a second, looks away. “That’s enough, Natalia,” he says. “That’s not my name anymore.”

“There’s no _real_ Luke,” Guy says. “They’re both their own people.”

“But doesn’t Asch need you?” Anise asks quietly.

“Asch is strong enough to take care of himself,” Guy tells her. Asch’s eyes are back on him, but he doesn’t look. “Luke isn’t. Right now, he needs all the support he can get.”

“Aramis Spring,” Asch says. “If the replica comes back to the surface, he’ll have to go through there.”

“Thank you.” Guy gives the others a smile. “Well… see you around.”

* * *

Aramis Spring is dark and wet and cold and overrun with monsters, but it’s a good place to think. While he’s busy trying to stay dry and warm and not attacked by monsters, he makes two promises to himself.

First, he’s going to save Luke. He doesn’t care what it takes -- he’s not going to let him become the person he forced Asch to become. He’s not going to repeat the rest of the mistakes he made with Asch. Not after he’s already messed up this much.

And second, he’s going to fix this thing with Asch. Somehow.

And underneath the rest of it all isn’t so much a promise as a commitment -- he’s screwed them both up enough already. He doesn’t know yet if he’s strong enough to stand against Van, but if he has to make the choice, he’s going to protect two kids who haven’t had enough time to let the world screw them over like it’s screwed over Guy.

He hears them coming long before he sees them -- the sound of them fighting monsters just outside, and then Luke splashing through the puddles louder than Guy thought possible. Maybe it partially just throws him off because he expects someone with Asch’s face to be quieter, but he supposes he’s going to have to get used to that.

“Took you long enough!” he calls when they get close enough to hear.

“Guy!” Luke’s eyes go wide and innocent, the way Asch’s used to when Guy got back from long missions without him.

“Yo!” He feels pretty cool for a second, and Luke seems pretty impressed, so he can’t help the little grin on his face. He stands up, and then realizes just what else it is that separates Luke from Asch now. “Hey, you cut your hair! Looks good!”

“T-thanks.” Luke reaches up to touch the feathery ends of his hair, looking away, but then he falls silent.

Guy picks his way down the slope, leans in with his hands on his hips. “You okay?”

Luke doesn’t answer. His fingers curl into his hair.

“Luke?”

He winces, and his hand drops back to his side. He won’t look Guy in the face, though. “I… I’m not Luke. Not the real one. And… you knew the whole time.”

That hits him like a jab to the stomach. “If you mean that I knew you were a replica, then… yeah. You’re right.”

Luke’s hands clench into fists. “So then… I shouldn’t even be called Luke.”

Guy stays quiet for a second. He only has one shot to do this right -- he doesn’t get a second chance, because this already _is_ his second chance.

He can’t quite look at Luke when he speaks. “Asch hasn’t gone by that name in a long time. It’s pretty much up for the taking.”

He and Luke look at each other at the same time, then, and Luke smiles at him. “You’re really weird, you know that?”

Guy smiles back. “I’m in good company, then. Come on, let’s get going.”

* * *

For the most part, they’re quiet as they move through the cave. Guy’s efforts at avoiding getting wet and cold and attacked by monsters are pretty much wasted all at once, mostly because Luke can’t seem to help splashing through every puddle he finds.

He really does want to change, Guy thinks. He can see it, and not just in the haircut. His eyes seem bigger, his face seems more open. He carries himself like he feels lighter and heavier at the same time, and Guy wants to lift the weight off his shoulders just to see if he can fly.

After a tiny fight, Luke stows his sword away, but his hand lingers on the grip for a moment and his eyes are distant. Guy sheathes his own sword and steps up next to him. “You okay?”

“I don’t know how to make up for everything that’s happened,” Luke says, quiet. “I know I have to, but…”

“Something like that isn’t easy,” Tear says. “You can’t just apologize.” There’s a warning in her voice -- Guy doesn’t know what happened between the two of them, while they were still in Yulia City, but whatever it is, he’s grateful for it. Luke needs someone like her.

“Then what _do_ I do?” He sounds desperate, eyes wide with frustration and fear. “How can I possibly make up for killing thousands of people? How can I make up for being so _stupid_ \--”

“Enough!” Anger flashes hot through Guy’s stomach and chest, flushed away after by the guilt. It’s not Luke’s fault, _it’s not Luke’s fault._ He’s the one who led him down there, he’s the one who didn’t stop Van, he’s the one who couldn’t save Asch all those years ago. “I don’t wanna hear that kind of bullshit,” he says, quieter.

“Guy, Luke’s thinking seriously about this!” Tear snaps. Guy doesn’t know how to tell her that he shouldn’t _have_ to, so he just avoids her eyes, avoids looking at anything at all.

He fixes his gaze on a far wall. On a level above them, he can see a monster moving slowing back and forth, snuffling through puddles and mud. What can he tell Luke? What the hell do you say to someone who’s trying to make up for the thousands of people whose blood and deaths are on _your_ hands?

“Just…” He bites his tongue, pauses. “Just help people. Use the rest of your life to make everyone in the whole world happy.”

“T-that’s not possible!” Luke says, eyes wide.

“That’s not the point,” Guy says quietly. He looks back over, meets Luke’s eyes. “It’s not about whether it’s possible or not, it’s about how much effort you put into it. The more you screw up, the harder you have to try to fix it. So…” He can’t help how his hand goes to his sword hilt, grateful for its gentle weight at his hip, grounding him, reminding him that he’s real.

“So I have to do everything I can to reverse what I’ve already done,” Luke says.

“Yeah,” Guy says back, and he can’t even really remember who they’re talking about anymore.

* * *

Jade is waiting for them, Ion and Natalia have been kidnapped, and Guy is going back to Daath. It feels wrong, to return this way, after all this. The uniform, with all its black and gold, has always made him feel safer, like he can hide in a shadow and no one will notice him. But now, he can only think of how much he stands out.

Everyone looks at him expectantly, like he’s supposed to _understand_ this city, like Daath and the Order and the Score are supposed to speak to him, but he’s too busy trying not to look like the Ghost of the God-Generals to do much speaking with the stonework.

Anise nearly scares him out of the uniform when they’re standing in front of the cathedral, and then they slip inside and Guy’s clearance has them through the door to Oracle headquarters in less than a minute. He can’t tell if that means that Van hasn’t been back to revoke that clearance, or if he still trusts him -- or if the Order hasn’t realized what’s happened yet.

Either way, he has to cut down about a dozen Oracle Knights before they manage to find their misplaced Fon Master and Kimlascan princess, and it leaves a sour taste in his mouth. Not one of them listens when he tries to get them to stop. It makes him want to rip off the uniform right then and there and have Mieu burn it.

“I know we need to get out of here,” he says, stopping as they move to leave, “but I really need something less conspicuous to wear than a God-General’s uniform, especially if it’s not doing us any good, and my room is right nearby.”

Luke looks like he wants to protest, but Jade sighs before he can say anything. “Very well,” he says. “Lead the way.”

Five minutes later, he’s unlocking the door to a room that feels foreign to him. It’s been less than a month since he was here, but it doesn’t even look like his room anymore. He knows he and Asch stood here together and packed for their trip, but he has trouble remembering that now.

But he pushes it away, snatches a few changes of clothes to shove into his bag back on the Tartarus and changes quickly while everyone has their backs turned.

“Is this really your room?” Luke asks suddenly, while he’s pulling his shirt over his head. There’s a doubtful note to his voice.

“Of course it is,” Guy says. He turns around, loops a belt around his waist. “I’m not going to just go into any old room and grab someone’s clothes.”

“I just thought... “ Luke hesitates. “I thought it’d have more personality, I guess.”

“There’s not much room for that in the Oracle Knights,” Guy says, smiling a bit.

“No kidding,” Anise grumbles.

Guy laughs and looks back at Luke. “Asch wasn’t much for decorations, anyway. Any time I brought something back he’d complain about it.”

“O-oh, right.” Luke looks away quickly, and Guy feels the smile drop off his face. Of course he would have forgotten this would’ve been Asch’s room, too.

“Let’s get going, shall we?” Jade suggests lightly, and Guy nods. He locks the door behind them, but he can feel Luke’s eyes lingering on the walls even after the door closes.

* * *

“You look weird,” Luke grumbles that night when they’re back onboard the Tartarus and on their way to Grand Chokmah. They’re in their shared room, Guy re-packing his bags around the new clothes, Luke lying back on one of the beds.

“Is there something on my face?” he asks jokingly.

“No, I meant…” Luke gestures at him vaguely. “You know. Your clothes.”

“Ah.” He tries not to mess with the hem of the shirt. He misses the familiar weight of the Oracle cape, the tightness of the vest. These clothes are plain, just a black shirt and pants meant for quick trips down to the shops, or missions where it was better he go unrecognized.

“I’m not really used to it, either,” he admits to Luke. “It’s been a long time since I wore stuff like this for any long period of time.”

“Have…” Luke pauses. “Were you always in the Oracle Knights?”

“Most of my life,” Guy says. “I don’t remember much about my life before.”

“Where were you from?”

“That’s a boring story,” Guy promises. “After this is all over, maybe I’ll tell you sometime.”

Luke falls silent for a moment. “Have you told Asch before?”

He sighs, snaps his bag shut, and turns to face Luke fully. There’s a bit of deja vu in there, but he can’t quite place it. “Would you stop with the Asch stuff?”

Luke flinches, looks away. “What are you talking about?”

“Stop comparing yourself to him,” Guy says flatly. “You’re different people. You grew up differently, with different people around you, in different places and different circumstances. You’re not going to be exactly like him, and just because you’re different doesn’t mean you’re worse. Trying to match yourself up to him isn’t going to make you feel any better.”

“Maybe I don’t deserve to feel better,” Luke mumbles.

There’s a flash of heat in Guy’s chest, and he has to physically hold himself back from punching him. “I never wanna hear that kind of stuff out of your mouth ever again,” he says.

“I killed all those people--”

“Because Van made you!” He slams a fist into the table without thinking, and Luke flinches hard. Guy thinks back to Van hitting him while they stood in Baticul, his anger at the thought of Van laying even a finger on Asch, and realizes that he would kill Van just as quickly for touching Luke as he would for touching Asch. He’s not sure when that happened.

He turns away, rubbing at his stinging knuckles -- maybe punching metal isn’t the best idea on the planet. “Yes, you need to learn from it,” he says, quieter, his back to Luke. “But it wasn’t entirely your fault. And I never want to hear you talk like that again. Got it?”

“G-got it,” Luke mumbles, and the conversation ends there.

* * *

Guy is restless the entire time they’re in Keterburg. It’s one of the few places he hasn’t been, and not recognizing the ground under his feet makes him nervous, but they’re back on the Tartarus and on their way to Grand Chokmah the next morning. Luke looks uncomfortable and Jade barely speaks to him, but Guy isn’t quite sure what’s happened.

Then they land at Rotelro Bridge, and then there’s the trip over the Rugnican Plains north to Grand Chokmah. They’re stopped in Theor Forest, and that shouldn’t be a problem, except that then there are Oracle Knights there, and then there are _God-Generals_ there, and Guy has never been so frustrated in his life.

“Stand down, Largo!” he commands, pointing his sword at the big man, but he just laughs.

“You’re not going to override these orders, Ghost,” Largo says, smiling. “And don’t you have other things to worry about?”

“Wh--” he starts to say, but then a pain runs up from his bicep to his shoulder to his heart, and he drops to one knee. Anger flares along the lines of the pain, forcing its way into his stomach, his chest, his head. The sword on the wall in Fabre Manor, the cool look on Duke Fabre’s face, Pere’s words and the sadness in his eyes when he spoke of Hod… And Van. The promises Van made him, the anger they both shared, and Guy would never have had to fight him if it wasn’t for Luke. He could have gone on in ignorance, could have followed him blindly to the end, but at least he would have been _happy_.

He’s vaguely aware of his body moving, but has no real sense of what it’s doing. All he can feel is the anger, the _fury_ , and he keeps finding more reasons to be angry (he stole everything from Asch; Asch could have gone home if it wasn’t for him; Guy could have gotten him out of this), and then the pain hits him again, stops his breathing for a second, and then he’s in the dirt and everything goes dark.

* * *

He wakes up feeling like he’s been wrapped in cotton. Everything feels distant and soft and untouchable, and for a long time he just lies there, reveling in the safety of it all. He can’t be touched, but he also can’t touch anything else, and it’s hard to screw anything up when you can’t even touch it.

But then a small, gentle hand touches his forehead, and he freezes, because as long as his eyes are closed he can’t tell _who_ is touching him, so he forces himself to open them, wincing at the light.

The Fon Master smiles down at him kindly, and he breathes again. “Your fever’s broken, finally,” Ion says.

“Fever?” The word comes out rough, like his mouth is full of dirt.

“You’ve been asleep for several hours,” Ion says. He’s perched on the edge of the bed, and Anise is dozing in the corner, head leaning against the wall. “How much do you remember?”

“We were… in Theor Forest…” He struggles to remember, but much of it is blank. “Largo was there?”

“Not just Largo,” Ion says quietly. “Sync.”

_Fuck._ “The curse slot,” he says.

Ion nods. “You attacked Luke. Do you remember that?”

“No,” he mumbles, but he does remember the anger, now. Remembers it burning through him hot like fire, like _lava_ , boiling rather than burning. It chokes up his chest for a moment, but Ion notices immediately, wraps small fingers around his wrist.

“He’s fine,” the Fon Master says quickly. “You didn’t hurt him. We’re in Grand Chokmah now, so he and the others went to speak with the emperor.”

Guy can only nod his relief, exhaustion pushing through him. You’d think that after sleeping all that time he would feel refreshed, but instead he just feels tired. So he didn’t hurt Luke -- because Luke got lucky, probably. He’s the Ghost of the God-Generals. He’s been trained to kill since he joined the Oracle Knights, groomed as Van’s attack dog, and it all comes down to this. Down to whether or not a little flip of emotions will get him to kill the person he swore to protect. And what if Sync comes after them again? Can he flip that switch any time he wants? Will Guy end up killing Luke in the middle of a fight against him? Can those emotions transfer? Will he end up killing Anise, too, and Ion, and Tear, and Natalia, and even Jade?

“I removed the curse slot.” Ion gently touches his shoulder, like he’s heard his thoughts. “He can’t use your mind against you anymore.”

He closes his eyes, forces himself to breathe. His chest is tight, his throat is dry, and it takes until he feels the wetness on his face to realize that he’s crying. He hears Van’s voice echoing in his head, as gentle as Ion’s is now, calling him a crybaby, promising him that everyone would pay, and he would never need to shed tears again. So why is he crying now, if not because Van has put him in a situation where he has to?

“I’ll go get you some water,” Ion says awkwardly, and he wakes Anise and the two quickly slip out of the room. When they’re gone, Guy turns on his side and curls up in a ball and sobs for the first time in over ten years.

* * *

He’s managed to compose himself by the time Luke and the others get back from talking to the emperor. He makes a few laps around the room, under Anise and Ion’s watchful eyes, and mostly regains his balance before falling back on the bed and closing his eyes. Ion hands him his binder and a clean shirt and he pulls them both on and lets his head rest on the pillow until Luke walks in.

He looks even younger than normal, holding the door for the others and avoiding Guy’s eyes until everyone is inside and he’s finally forced to look up. Guy wants to punch himself in the face -- he is never doing anything to make Luke look at him like that ever again.

“Guy, I…” Luke looks away. “I’m sorry.”

Guy sits up, adjusts his shirt. “For what?”

“I…” Luke clenches his hands into fists. “I must have done something, to make you suffer. Or else, why…”

Ion must have told him then, Guy thinks, and one glance over at the Fon Master confirms his suspicions -- Ion looks vaguely guilty, but also vaguely sad.

“None of that is your fault,” Guy says, turning his attention back to Luke. “My anger was misplaced.” He hesitates, unsure if he should keep quiet, but he figures there’s no point in pretending it didn’t happen at this point. “I’m originally from Malkuth.”

“Huh?” Anise leans in from the side of the group.

“I was born on Hod.” He looks down at his hands in his lap, playing with the edge of one of his socks. “On my fifth birthday, my father called all our distant relatives to the manor for a celebration. That night, when everyone had gone to sleep, the war began.”

“The Hod War…” Natalia says quietly. “It was… Duke Fabre who attacked Hod, wasn’t it?”

Guy nods. “Though I didn’t know that until recently,” he says. “Until I saw the sword in the manor, and ran into Pere.” He forces one hand into a fist, wraps the other hand around it. He still feels a little nauseous, remembering the sword hanging on the wall in an enemy’s manor, like a prize, like a child’s drawing hung up to be celebrated.

“The Jewel of Gardios,” Jade says, and Guy flinches. “Last carried by Count Zygmunt Bazan of House Gardios of Hod. Which would make you… Gailardia Galan, yes?”

“Done your research, huh?” He smiles weakly. Jade doesn’t return the smile.

“Oracle Knights are trained to fight with shields,” the Necromancer says. “I thought it was strange you didn’t use one, but it is very characteristic of the Albert style, which was supposed to only be taught on Hod.”

Guy can’t help but laugh at that. “Never thought _that_ would be what gave me away.”

“But, Guy!” Luke breaks in, eyes wide. “There’s no way you could want to be with us then, right? I mean… with me. I… even if I’m a replica, I’m still part of House Fabre.”

“Your father’s crimes have nothing to do with you, Luke,” Guy says. He meets Luke’s gaze head-on, forcing determination into his voice. “If I’m angry with anyone, it’s not you. I told you, my anger was misplaced.”

“But… What about Asch?” Luke asks tentatively.

Guy doesn’t know how to say _Asch has even fewer ties to House Fabre than you do_ without sounding like an ass, so he just shakes his head. “He has nothing to do with it, either.”

He falls silent then. Is it even right for him to be here? They can’t trust him. They’ve never been able to trust him -- before, he was working for Van, and now… Now they know he has a weakness, now they know there’s something that can be used against him, something that could force him to fight them, again.

“Guy?” Luke asks tentatively.

“If you don’t want me here,” Guy says slowly, “then I can leave. Give me the word, and I’ll take off. But… I made some promises to people, and I’d like to see them through, so… If you don’t mind me sticking around…”

“I trust you, Guy,” Luke says. He closes his eyes for a moment, then opens them again, determined. “No, I should say… Trust _me_ , Guy. Let me prove to you I’m worthy of that trust.”

For a second, Guy feels his throat go dry again, but he pushes it back. He can’t say _you’ll always be worthy of my trust,_ so he just forces a smile, nods. “Either way works for me.”

* * *

St. Binah is falling. They kick Dist’s ass (which is refreshing -- fighting Legretta or Largo might feel like betrayal, but fighting Dist feels like freedom), but he accomplishes his objective -- they end up distracted long enough that there’s no way for them to save the residents of St. Binah. Not like this, anyway.

“If only we could fly,” Anise groans, and something sparks in the back of Guy’s mind.

“Hey,” he says, turning to the rest of the group. “I got an Order memo a few months back that said they were doing flight experiments in Sheridan with an old hoverdrive they pulled off of some Dawn Age fontech. It’s been big news with all the fon machine buffs, everyone’s been talking about it since then, so as far as I know, it actually worked, but I haven’t had a chance to read up on it myself…” He pauses, realizing everyone is staring at him, strange expressions on their faces. “What?”

“We didn’t realize you were a _nerd,_ ” Anise says, and he thinks maybe that shouldn’t make him deflate so much, but it does.

* * *

They’re almost too late for the people of St. Binah, but they just manage to make it. Guy holds tight to the back of one of the seats onboard the Albiore and stares out the window while the others try to work out a plan.

“So this is vengeance for Hod…” says Elder McGovern. Guy wonders if it is, still, or if Van has completely lost all sense of direction with this plan.

“What do we do?” Anise asks quietly.

Everyone is silent, and then Luke says, “W-what about the Sephiroth? Everything started falling because Master Van destroyed it, right? So if we bring it back--”

“But we don’t know how to operate the passage rings,” Tear says.

“Then we’ll find Master Van and interrogate him--”

“Luke!” Guy cuts in, because he can see where this is going. “You know that won’t work. We’ll find another way, I promise. I know how you feel, but--”

“No you don’t, Guy!” Luke turns, and there are tears in his eyes. “None of you understand! I’m the reason all those people in Akzeriuth died! That’s why I have to do something now! Even if I can’t make up for the rest of it, I can at least do this…”

Guy knows he should respond to that, but the words choke in his throat and he has to look away. Even if he can’t make up for the rest of it… Even if he can’t make up for Asch, he can at least do this…

“Luke, get a hold of yourself,” Jade cuts in, voice unusually angry. “We won’t accomplish anything with you so emotional.”

Luke falls silent, and quietly, Jade continues, “We’ll go to Yulia City. Maybe we can find answers there.” After a moment, he says, “You sound like a child. We all want to save St. Binah and you know it.”

“I…” Luke crosses his arms over his chest. “I’m sorry…”

“You don’t have to apologize,” Guy says quietly. “Nobody’s mad at you.”

He would have no right to be mad at him, even if he was, he thinks. Not when he’s the one who keeps making mistakes.

* * *

Yulia City, then Shurrey Hill, Engeve and Kaitzur, and then Chesedonia. Mohs accuses Natalia of being a fake, and Asch calls them to the oasis on their way to the Zao Ruins.

He only says a few words to Luke, and then moves to leave. Guy stops him with just his voice -- “Is that all you had to say?”

Asch meets his eyes for a brief moment, then looks away.

“You know the land is falling,” he says. “Engeve is already sinking. The battlefield will be next.”

“No,” Natalia whispers. “Everyone on the battlefield will die!”

“And so will all of you if you stay here,” Asch says.

“Not if we can lower the land safely,” Natalia says, and they all launch into an explanation of what they plan to do. Guy stays quiet, watching Asch for reactions.

When he goes to leave, Natalia stops him, and they fight. Asch sneers, colder than Guy has ever seen him. “What, you want to pinky swear? Don’t be absurd.”

“Asch…” Natalia pulls her hand back, looking hurt.

“There are no guarantees in this world,” Asch says roughly. “That’s why, before, I…” He looks over again and his eyes catch Guy’s, but they flick away almost too fast for Guy to notice. “I’m going now. You all should, too.”

“Asch,” Guy calls after him, not even really meaning to. It just kind of… happens.

“What?” Asch demands, staring straight ahead. “You want me to stay? You want me to come with you?”

“No,” Guy says quietly. “Just be safe.”

* * *

And “be safe” seems like good advice, except that it’s not just Chesedonia that’s falling -- it’s the whole world.

“Doesn’t the Score say _anything_ about this?” Luke asks desperately. He can’t seem to tear his eyes away from the blinking Sephiroth in front of them.

“If it does, not even my grandfather would likely know…” Tear says quietly.

“But Ion would,” Anise cuts in, and so they head for Daath, and in the back of the chapel in Daath’s cathedral, Ion reads from the Score. Afterwards, he collapses, but Anise catches him before he can hit the ground.

“So all it talks about is Akzeriuth and the war…” Guy mutters.

“Who’s this ‘scion of Lorelei’s power?’” Tear asks.

“‘Light of the sacred flame...’” Natalia glances over. “It’s Luke, isn’t it?”

“No,” Guy cuts in. “It’s Asch.” Van always said that replicas would throw off the Score, he thinks, but he doesn’t say it aloud. Of course, it makes sense now, some part of him adds darkly, knowing that the destruction of Akzeriuth and the deaths there were all written in the Score.

“But then…” Tear brushes the Fonstone with just the lightest touch of her fingertips. “Then Asch was meant to die in Akzeriuth, wasn’t he? But he’s still alive.”

Something sinks in the pit of Guy’s stomach -- Asch was meant to die. _The youth will turn power to calamity and be as a weapon of Kimlasca, destroying himself and the city._ He wonders if Van knew -- he wonders if that was the point, or if Van even cared.

“Because Luke was the one who went to Akzeriuth,” Anise says, understanding dawning in her eyes. “So this Score is messed up!”

“Because he’s a replica,” Tear says as the same light comes into her eyes. “The Score can’t account for that.”

Guy only catches Luke’s flinch out of the corner of his eye, but he still can’t miss it. “Are… are you saying that me being born threw the Score off track?” Luke asks quietly.

But no one has any time to answer, because there are Oracle Knights bursting in just then, and they don't even make it out of the city.

* * *

The nice thing is that the trip back to Baticul is far smoother than any of their other trips across the world have been lately. The downside is, well… they’re all in handcuffs.

Their cell is dark. Guy wonders if their realize how important the people they have imprisoned really are, but judging by the way they talk about Van, it wouldn’t matter even if they did.

And then the door to the dungeon slams open. The guards stand up abruptly, only to be run through a moment later. Guy doesn’t have to see the face to recognize the handiwork, and when both guards slide to the floor to reveal Asch’s face, Guy can’t really say he’s surprised.

“Long time, no see,” he says wearily as Asch rips the keys off the belt of one of the guards, and steps aside for him to swing the door open once it’s unlocked.

Asch just grunts. “You’d better head for Natalia’s room,” he says. “They’re planning to force them both to drink poison.”

“No!” Tear whispers, and sprints for the stairs with Jade and Anise just behind her. Guy holds himself back for just a second, watching as Asch turns the guards’ bodies over to face upwards.

“What about you?” he asks.

Asch turns away, steps into the cell. “Don’t ask stupid questions.”

Guy clenches down on the billion things he wants to say. “Be safe,” he says quietly, and leaves.

* * *

Asch buys them time. In Belkend, they head for the research lab, and Guy flinches so hard when they walk into an office and find Van that his back hits the wall. In the back of his mind, a deep voice scolds him for not standing tall and taking charge.

“Master!” Luke yells, and his voice is half shame, half desperation. “Back in Akzeriuth… You… You made me…”

Legretta steps forward. “Shall I send them away?”

“No, it’s all right,” Van says. His voice cuts into Guy harder than he could have ever expected -- a knife so sharp it could cut diamond. He clenches his jaw, tries to force himself to stand taller, but the thought of Van’s eyes on him almost puts him in a cold sweat.

“Why are you doing this?” Tear demands.

“This isn’t written in the Score!” Luke says. He almost looks like he’s going to cry.

“Yulia’s Score!” Van barks a laugh, just like Guy could have predicted he would. “Don’t make me laugh! Relying on that garbage is what will bring about the end of the world.”

As if what he’s doing is any better, Guy thinks, but his mouth won’t open to say the words.

“But causing the Outer Lands to fall will bring about that same end!” Natalia accuses him, and Guy wishes he could thank her.

“I’m not ending the world,” Van says. His face smoothes over into that look he used to get whenever he talked about their _goals_ and their _ideals,_ like they had been handed some greater purpose -- except that they hadn’t, except that to believe that would go against everything they had believed in to begin with. “I’m simply bringing about an end to Yulia’s Score, and that which upholds it… Lorelei.”

“Lorelei?” Anise pipes up, eyes going wide. “But it’s existence hasn’t even been proven!”

“It exists,” Van assures her, and a small smile crosses his mouth. “It is what enables mankind to read the Score, and for that reason it is driving the world to its doom. If Lorelei is not destroyed, this world will remain shackled to the Score.”

“But all the people who will die if the Outer Lands fall…!” Luke says desperately.

“People who already live as mere puppets,” Van says coldly, “doing only as the Score dictates. Replicas will suffice.”

“That’s your plan?!” Something inside Guy bursts, and the words he couldn’t even force out before are leaping forward to be heard. “You’re going to recreate the entire world?! Everything?! That’s ridiculous!”

Van fixes him with a cold stare, and it takes all his strength not to flinch back. “Then what about this, Gailardia Galan Gardios? Mankind knew, through the Score, of Hod’s destruction, and still did nothing!”

“But…” Guy casts around for something to say, but once again, his mouth fails him.

“My feelings have not changed,” Van says. His voice changes, just a little, grows a little softer like it used to when Guy was a child. “If you will aid me, I will gladly welcome you. My promise still stands.”

“What promise…?” Luke turns halfway around. “What’s he talking about, Guy?”

“I…” Guy starts to speak, but he can’t. Van’s eyes are on him, harsh and heavy and oppressive, and he feels like he’s suffocating.

“My family has served House Gardios for generations,” Van says coolly. “When we joined the Order, we swore revenge for the destruction of Hod.”

There’s a pause, as Van’s words sink in. Proof, Guy’s sure they’re thinking, that the god-general couldn’t be trusted all along. That he was only ever working for Van, that he was in on the plan from the very beginning. Was he part of what happened at Akzeriuth? Is he working against them now?

And the best part is that Guy doesn’t even know any of the answers to those questions himself.

* * *

Asch shows up, but there’s no time to talk, and all Guy really cares about is getting out of that room long enough to breathe, to stand up straight again.

And he does breathe -- until Luke stops in the middle of the street on the way to the inn, looks back over his shoulder, and unleashes the tidal wave that Guy had been expecting before. “Hey, Guy, about what Master Van was saying to you…”

Guy doesn’t say anything back, but he meets Luke’s eyes.

“You… The reason you joined up with us before…” Luke looks away, face going red -- with embarrassment at letting a traitor into their mix, with anger, with fear, Guy doesn’t know.

“...Yeah,” he says finally. “What Van said was true. We were on the same side.”

“And you want us to believe that you just _aren’t_ anymore?” Tear accuses him.

“You know we’re a suspicious lot,” Jade says, and Anise throws in a “Yeah!” from the back.

Guy keeps his face as clear as possible, because what is he supposed to tell them? He can’t even answer his own questions about whose side he’s on, how is he supposed to answer theirs?

“Stop that!” Natalia cuts in, looking furious. “When we had all given up on Luke, Guy alone went back for him. Will you deny even that? Why would he go back if not because he genuinely cared about him?”

“It could just be part of his plan,” Jade says. Luke flinches.

“I won’t demand you trust me,” Guy says, hurriedly trying to patch over the growing breach. He hesitates before the next part, though. “If you think I’m Van’s spy, then I’ll leave. That’s all there is to it.”

Luke relaxes a little and smiles at him. “I… I’ll trust you, Guy.”

Guy squares his shoulders and faces him head-on, hand resting on his sword hilt. “Are you sure?”

“Well, I mean…” Luke hesitates. “I want _you_ to trust _me_. To believe in me. That I can change. And… I can’t ask for that if I don’t trust you first.”

“I see,” Guy murmurs. The others slowly agree with Luke, but Guy barely pays them any attention. It’s all fine and great if they decide they trust him, he supposes -- except that he can’t even tell himself whether they should or not.

He has to make a choice, he knows, except it’s not that simple. It should be, he thinks. They’re right. What Van’s doing doesn’t make any sense -- the deaths of all the people in the entire world do not make up for Hod, and they never will. He doesn’t know what he thought Van had planned but… it wasn’t this.

But it’s not so easy to give up. Van saved his life, more than once. He owes him everything he has. And yet even that isn’t comfort enough to stay by his side.

“Guy…” Luke’s voice breaks in, drags him out of his thoughts. “I trust you… okay?”

Guy tries to give him a smile. “Yeah. I know.”

* * *

Asch is at the inn, sitting at a corner table with Noelle and looking supremely unimpressed with his current company. “Ion asked me to give this to you,” he tells Jade when questioned, and then looks over at Guy. “And this was waiting for you at the front desk.”

He passes a book to Jade, and a piece of paper to Guy. The book, apparently, is important, but Guy’s attention narrows down to that single piece of paper for the span of the conversation, because it has Van’s signature at the bottom of it.

“I’ll see everyone in the morning, then,” Jade singsongs, apparently a signal for everyone to head to bed, and Guy trails after Luke distractedly, mostly just trying not to run into anything.

_Find me by the warehouses,_ the note reads. _Come alone. We need to speak. - Van._

Just _Van,_ he thinks. For so long, they called each other by their given names, but there was no place for that in their new plans. If they wanted to get revenge for Hod, they had to give that up, at least for a little. After they joined the Order, it was always rank and title between them, except when they were on missions together. For a long time, _Guy_ and _Van_ weren’t so much names as they were an inside joke, something silly to call each other, to remind them of the tragedy from which they’d come.

He doesn’t leave until Luke is asleep, slipping out without even his sword. Belkend looks strange at night -- it’s lit up the way all big cities are at night, but the shadows are different, bouncing off the metalwork in strange ways.

The warehouses are hard to miss, some of the biggest structures in the city. He arrives first, and tries to pick out the stars past the streetlights, but it’s hard.

“Hod had a beautiful view,” Van’s voice comes eventually. Guy flinches, and then curses himself internally for not hearing the footsteps, and even more for responding that way.

The commandant steps up next to his side, leans back against the warehouse doors next to him. “You could pick out all the most important constellations from Hod. Even the main parts of the city wasn’t lit up the way places are today. It was peaceful.” He pauses. “But not even such a peaceful place was immune to the Score.”

“I know what the Score did,” Guy says. His voice comes out rough. “This isn’t about that.”

“You don’t know if you can stand for more death in the face of all that’s occurred already,” Van guesses.

“I thought we were trying to _stop_ the killing,” Guy says.

“Without the Score, there will be no need for war,” Van says. He’s close enough that Guy can feel the heat radiating from his shoulder to Guy’s. “Mankind will have nothing to fight over once its major conflict is eliminated. The killing _will_ end, but the only way to do that is to change the people.”

“Change them by _killing_ them!” Guy turns, a sudden burst of energy giving him the bravery to face him fully. “You’re going to kill everyone in the entire world so you can replace them with copies that can barely walk or talk!”

“Fomicry has improved much since its initial stages,” Van says dismissively. “They won’t be so helpless.”

“That’s not the point! Van, please…” He doesn’t want to beg, but he doesn’t know what else to do. “This can’t be what you wanted. There has to be some part of you that realizes this isn’t how things were supposed to work out.”

“There were parts of the plan I could never tell you,” Van says. “This was one of them.”

“Was Luke’s death the other?” Guy demands. He can’t tell who he’s more angry at, now -- Van, for not listening, or himself, for not being able to convince him. “Or how about the fact that Asch was supposed to die?”

“Asch was saved from that fate by the simple fact that replica exists,” Van tells him. He reaches out a hand to put it on Guy’s shoulder. “You’re overreacting. I understand that this is difficult for you to take in, but--”

“You’re not _listening!_ ” He shoves the hand away roughly, and it hits the metal door to the warehouse with a dull thud. “Don’t tell me what I’m feeling!”

“No one has ever understood what you’re feeling like I have,” Van says, and his voice gets dark, his eyes get a _look_ in them.

“Are you gonna hit me?” Guy can’t help but sneer. Van reaches for him, but he hits his hand away again. “You don’t understand how I feel. You’re not the one whose family died. You at least understood what was going on! You had your mother, you had Tear! I was _alone!_ ”

“How dare you,” Van hisses, leans forward into his face. “Who was there for you? Who saved you from suffocating under the corpses of your sisters and your maids? I could have left you behind a hundred times to starve in the wilderness, but I brought you along, because I wanted you to see a world freed from the Score that stole your family and your home from you.”

“I didn’t ask for that!” Guy takes two steps back, and the space lets him breathe, the air goes to his head. “I didn’t ask for any of it. I didn’t ask for you to take me with you, I didn’t ask for revenge. I wouldn’t have even known revenge was something I could have if you weren’t the one who had taught it to me.”

“And it ruined your life, is that what you’re trying to tell me?” Van laughs once. “Stupid boy. Revenge saved you. Revenge gave you fuel to survive!”

“And I don’t need it anymore!” Heat rushes through Guy’s body, and then the energy is gone, and he’s left standing there, panting, feeling like he’s just run a marathon.

Van’s face shuts down. “So this is what you truly wish.”

He can’t speak, so he just nods.

Van’s eyes go cold. “So be it.”


End file.
